Desperate House Husband

My Friday night

2005-02-19T21:17:00.000-08:00

dragonfli: cool
dragonfli: tell me
DHH: start from dinner, or from "after dinner"
dragonfli: dinner
DHH: dinner was at restaurant in city
dragonfli: cool
DHH: was perfect balance of down home & gourmet food
DHH: he ordered a bottle of wine
DHH: we talked
DHH: early on
DHH: he was very suggestive or flirty
DHH: being not at all coy about what was to come later on
DHH: which made her blush a bit
DHH: I think
DHH: she had the hots for me
DHH: so it was kind of a schoolgirl crush
DHH: of sorts
DHH: or something
dragonfli: :D
DHH: anyway
DHH: we chatted
DHH: had a nice dinner
DHH: then
DHH: time came to go
DHH: instead of me following
DHH: or him trying to give directions
DHH: he sent her with me
DHH: (fully hoping she and I would get things going in the car)
dragonfli: oooo nice move
DHH: yeah
DHH: I've noticed this move a couple times with couples – Send the woman off with the guy so they can get it going.
DHH: thing is, she was being shy
DHH: and I didn't want to push it
DHH: so we just talked
DHH: and drove
DHH: to... their boat
dragonfli: cool
DHH: a 2 bedroom big boat
DHH: like a small floating apartment
DHH: she was being a little bashful
DHH: we got onboard
dragonfli: coy
DHH: she put on some music
DHH: he gave me the tour
DHH: we sat down on this kind of L shaped couch
DHH: her betweenus
DHH: he starts rubbing her leg
DHH: giving her a little playful teasing for being shy
DHH: says once she gets going, she's fine
DHH: I decided
DHH: I'd help break the ice
DHH: So I stood up and took my shirt off
DHH: and sat back down with her
DHH: she asked me if I had rules
DHH: specifically to find out if kissing was ok
DHH: I was like "sure"
DHH: so we all started to make out
DHH: it was hot
dragonfli: nice
DHH: she gave me such expressive kisses
dragonfli: she was hungry
DHH: I really felt her communicating how she felt about me
DHH: hungry, vulnerable, open
DHH: just very very hot
DHH: then her top came off
DHH: BOOBS
DHH: wow, she's endowed
dragonfli: nice
DHH: wearing a very hot light green lace thing
DHH: play continues
DHH: I kiss the back of her neck, caress her
DHH: he's kissing her, our hands are caressing all over
DHH: her pants come off
DHH: matching lace boy shorts thing on
DHH: hot
DHH: the necking continues
DHH: the bra comes off
DHH: rubbing her gently through her panties
DHH: she's getting responsive
dragonfli: mmmm
DHH: he and I peel her panties off together
DHH: no word spoken, we just both knew
DHH: she's ready
DHH: he has one side, I have other
DHH: she's nude
dragonfli: nice
DHH: kissing one, being sucked and nibbled by the other
DHH: I explore
DHH: her pussy is very very wet
DHH: I'm on her left, so I have to use my left hand
DHH: I feel it, trying to get a sense of her layout down there
DHH: give her some rubbing
DHH: some penetration
DHH: she responds well
DHH: he goes down on her a bit
DHH: while she and I make out- very sweet, gentle sensual, I caress her cheek tenderly. She was sweet and shy, and it was the right style of touch.
DHH: neck
DHH: breasts
dragonfli: nice
DHH: then I kiss my way lower
DHH: kneel in front of her
DHH: face between her legs
DHH: and I open her
DHH: and begin some slightly more than gentle licking
DHH: which gets her gasping
DHH: mean while he's working her breasts
DHH: kissing
DHH: whispering things to her
DHH: I keep working away
DHH: she has sort of a closed pussy
DHH: small inner lips or large outer ones, depending on perspective
DHH: so her clit is buried a bit
DHH: she's trimmed
DHH: quite lovely to go down on
DHH: the stimulation of two men is too much for her
DHH: she's a little over stimulated
DHH: so I slow it down, take the edge off
DHH: it takes a while. Maybe 5-10 min?
DHH: but it builds
DHH: and she comes
DHH: and I'm very happy
dragonfli: cool
dragonfli: was she a squirter
DHH: somewhere in the previous making out she had put her hand in my pants
DHH: not a squirter
DHH: I've never encountered one of those
DHH: so he askes her is she'd like to move to the bed
DHH: she heads in
DHH: I strip
DHH: we get in the bed together
DHH: me on her left again
DHH: caressing
DHH: he asks her who she'd like to fuck first
DHH: "well, we have a guest"
DHH: but before that happens
DHH: she goes down on me
DHH: it was a spiritually transforming experience
dragonfli: was she good
DHH: she was giving me the most loving, tender head I'd ever had
DHH: it wasn't quite going to make me cum
DHH: you give amazing head
DHH: for that
DHH: you know how to make a man cum with your mouth
DHH: she was kind of trying for that,
DHH: but mostly just giving my penis a very expressive kiss
dragonfli: cool
DHH: it's hard to describe
DHH: I was feeling this powerful emotional connection to her. She was showing me love and tenderness as I’d never experienced it in bed before.
DHH: she kept at it for quite a while, too
dragonfli: btw im masterbating
DHH: go for it
DHH: ;)
DHH: but the feelings I had
DHH: made me not want to fuck her
DHH: but to be close
DHH: so after she had been down there for a long and wonderful while, I suggested she come up
DHH: and be on top of me
DHH: and kiss me
DHH: while he took her form behind
DHH: it was awesome
DHH: she's passionately making out with me
DHH: while grinding her hips against him
DHH: getting fucked
DHH: he loves it
DHH: she loves it
DHH: I love it: I'm holding her closely, caressing her
DHH: it was very passionate and intimate
DHH: to be with her in that way
DHH: while she was feeling that
DHH: he gets off
DHH: hearing us make out
DHH: and cums
dragonfli: wow
dragonfli: did u fuck her
DHH: ands so he lies down
DHH: and recovers
DHH: she and I make out
DHH: she goes down on me again
DHH: cuz now she and I are gonna fuck
DHH: and I know
DHH: it's gonna be very intense
dragonfli: yummy
DHH: I roll the condom on
DHH: she straddles me
DHH: rides me a little
DHH: but I keep falling out
DHH: it's just a bad position
DHH: she invites me to be on top
DHH: so we roll over
dragonfli: was she a big girl
DHH: curvy
DHH: not big
DHH: but curvy
dragonfli: because u are well endowed
DHH: maybe a few sizes smaller than you
DHH: dress size wise
DHH: dunno
DHH: hard to estimate
DHH: she's 5'4
DHH: maybe 135-145?
dragonfli: ok
dragonfli: so
dragonfli: you on top
DHH: yes
DHH: so I slide it in her
DHH: we kiss
DHH: start to thrust
DHH: enter her deeper and deeper
DHH: then it gets intense
DHH: and we just fuck
DHH: passionate
DHH: she opens her eyes
DHH: loks right in mine
DHH: it was amazing
DHH: as if she was telling me
DHH: how she felt
DHH: i just felt such a sense
DHH: of her wanting me
DHH: welcomeing me
DHH: accepting me
DHH: I had never felt that completely adored and wanted
DHH: so it really touched me
DHH: so we go at it
DHH: just passionately bumping our bodies together- at one point she reaches up and puts her hand to my neck, kind of slight erotic asphyxiation thing: wow that was hot. Lovingly play choked. I never knew I liked it, but it was just so right.
dragonfli: i am happy u had such a great experience
DHH: then
DHH: I want it to be more emotionally intense
DHH: so I whisper to her
DHH: we're going to slow down now
DHH: and we have a slow screw
DHH: and slowly
DHH: I build up to coming
DHH: and I let it build
DHH: and she can feel it build
DHH: and he's watching and knows it's going to happen
DHH: and she holds me close
DHH: and kisses me
DHH: and I cum inside of her
DHH: and it's fantastic
DHH: then just kiss her
DHH: and snuggle in
dragonfli: nice
DHH: and she strokes me
DHH: it was very sweet and loving
DHH: He teases
DHH: "I think we found you a new toy"
DHH: we all have a chuckle
DHH: she blushes
DHH: at how much she loved it
DHH: I loved it
DHH: I go to the bathroom to clean up
DHH: he turns her on her side
DHH: and fucks her from behind
DHH: I come back to bed
DHH: and kiss and caress her while she's getting fucked
dragonfli: nice
dragonfli: i really want to be with 2 guys
DHH: which turns him on
DHH: and he comes
DHH: and then we lay there talking and caressing
DHH: she was super wiped out at this point
DHH: kind of face down
DHH: sleepy
DHH: I wanted
DHH: to take her from behind
DHH: but opted to let her rest
dragonfli: cool
DHH: it was midnight or so
DHH: she brought us our clothes
DHH: I gave her a hug from behind when she and I were alone for a moment
DHH: again
DHH: I could just feel this connection with her
DHH: don't get me wrong
DHH: I'm not falling in love or anything
DHH: but there was this emotional connectedness that went with the physical that was really wonderful
DHH: I hadn't experienced that before in play sex
dragonfli: that as nice
DHH: They e-mailed this morning
DHH: and want to get together again
DHH: as do I
DHH: dunno when I'll have time
DHH: I got the impression
DHH: from some comments
DHH: that he lets her play on her own
DHH: while he's away on trips for business
DHH: I have a feeling they're thinking of me for that role
DHH: which could be nice
dragonfli: yes
DHH: I'd like to come clean about being married
DHH: cuz I think we'd have a great ongoing relationship
DHH: I don't think they'd care too much
DHH: but I plan to feel them out on the issue
DHH: did u get off?
DHH: ;)
DHH: I have a meeting date at 4 pm today
DHH: so I have to run
DHH: I have some work I have to do
dragonfli: still am
DHH: before I leave
dragonfli: ok have a great day
DHH: I dunno if the date will lead to play
DHH: or just be a meeting
dragonfli: glad u had a great experience
DHH: I think it's 80% chance just meeting
DHH: thanksDHH: I feel great about it

This weekend

2005-02-17T17:20:00.000-08:00

Well JJ want to meet me at a bar on Sat afternoon, and Friday night I'm on with Smart couple. I don't think I'll see VV couple. If nothing happens with JJ, maybe I'll see if Dragonfli wants to play.

Sunday, friends arrive, and play time ends till the weekend.

I'll post when I can.

To tieme.spankme

2005-02-17T17:07:00.000-08:00

Thanks so much for taking an interest. It feels great that someone understands and cares.

I don't know whether I'm right or justified in any of this.

I don't know whether my wife doesn't care. I think, in her own way, she does care. But she's not very sensitive, meaning she's just not tuned into the needs or cares of other people. It's not just me, it's everyone. This trait helps her in some things: She's a brutal negotiator, and great inher career because she's fearless. She doesn't fear rejection of any kind, because she simply doesn't care.

And it's clear that she wants things from the relationship. She likes it when she gets crepes. The crepes make her happy. When I cook for her (Like Water for Chocolate), she loves what I make.

It doesn't dawn on her at all that sometimes, food is my attempt to reach out to her sensually.

Valentine's day this last week: I sent her some very tasteful nude "figure study" pictures of myself I did (camera, photoshop). I spoofed an e-mail to her from "your lover" and told her to open the enclosure when she was alone.

So right away, she knew what they were and who they were probably from.

She waited about 8 hours to open them.

Now yes, in her defence, there were technical issues in her way. But even when I helped her overcome those (she's on the road right now, and was on the road then), she still not only thought but TOLD ME she was going to check her e-mail first.

ALL DAY I had been asking "did you look yet?".

So I send her these hot pics, it's clear they're hot, it's clear I want her to see them, it's probably clear I put a lot of time and thought into planning a remote valentine's day present like this, and she just ignores this, and slaps me in my face by explicitly priorotizing e-mail over seeing me naked.

ANd the thing is, she really didn't notice she was doing anything wrong, until I couldn't take it and got mad at her. At which she was mystified. She thought I was overly sensitive.

She sent me a card. It was nice. It arrive on the 15th.

So you ask: does she care? I think she likes me. I think she likes sharing resources and life and household with me.

But I think that's about it.

I would love to have a happy marriage with her. I'd love to have a great sex life with her. I've brought her books, articles, I've ordered the good vibrations catalog, I've made it clear that I'm open to being more sexual. I've tried to teach her to flirt and be playful. I've given her very clear ideas of all the little things she could do to make me feel like she's trying.

But there are no changes.

So this weekend, I've got some dates.

Getting interesting

2005-02-16T14:53:00.000-08:00

Well, Smart couple wants to see me friday night. So that's gonna happen! Mean while, a new couple, Jack & Jill, or JJ for purposes here, has found me. Seems she wants to do it, and he wants to watch it.

Um, Ok!

She's got a fine, fine body, and seems a lot of fun. Dunno if that will happen this weekend or not, but we'll see. They want to do a meet and greet first. Cool.

I also have a couple new e-mails waiting for me on the "dating" site I use, but I can't get at those just yet. One seems an invite from a guy, the other probably not.

Meanwhile, dragonfli hinted about Saturday, as did Vcouple. I'm not sure how I feel about either of them.

Bummer is I have friends coming from out of town on Sunday, so the party ends for me pretty soon.

But Kerri is coming to town the weekend after this one, and we're gonna have fun.

So I think I'm gonna get my fill.

It'll be an interesting experiment. To see how I react to all this sex. Will I find it satisfying? Will something be missing? How will I feel facing my wife again?

Who knows. But right now, I'd rather regret doing a thing than not doing a thing.

Today's adventure

2005-02-14T15:11:00.000-08:00

From my IM conversation, telling the story. It's been edited to keep it anonymous.

DHH: sorry about earlier
dragonfli: no prob
dragonfli: did he come over
DHH: yep
DHH: wanna hear about it?
dragonfli: please
DHH: well he asked me to wear just the soccer shorts
DHH: like I did when we first met
DHH: and I turned the heat up here
dragonfli: cool
DHH: by the time he arrived, I was running around the house in just soccer shorts
DHH: he had said he wanted to do some ass play
DHH: I told him there wasn't anything here to play with
DHH: he stopped at the supermarket on the way over
DHH: So he had brought 3 carrots
DHH: a banana
DHH: and a bottle brush
DHH: I thought the banana was ambitious of him
DHH: I put my lesbian porn in the VCR
DHH: he laid out his toys
DHH: and began to fondle me through my shorts while I stood there
dragonfli: nice
DHH: you can tell he really likes my body
DHH: kind of cupped my balls
dragonfli: who wouldn’t
DHH: just felt my package
dragonfli: you have a great body
DHH: rubbed my ass
DHH: eventually he started to get into my pants
DHH: had me slide of my shorts
DHH: rimmed me a bit
DHH: (which I'd probably never do to someone else, but I made sure I was super clean cuz I knew he might try that)
DHH: he kept applying pressure to the space between my balls and my hole
DHH: eventually he wet a finger
DHH: and started to tease my ass
DHH: all the while working my dick with his hand
DHH: I had my eyes on the porn
DHH: mostly
DHH: then he had me sit down
DHH: and started to go down on me
DHH: and since I haven't cum in a few days
DHH: I started to get close
DHH: I told him so
DHH: he slowed down
DHH: but took some of the Vaseline I had laid out
DHH: and used it to get his finger
DHH: slowly in me
DHH: and once I relaxed a bit
DHH: he greased up one of the carrots
DHH: tip thick as a magic marker
DHH: a little curved
DHH: he had been strategic in his selection
DHH: and slipped it in
DHH: all the while giving me oral
DHH: it was pretty intense
DHH: he used my arousal from the oral
DHH: to get me to accept deeper and deeper penetration
DHH: always pushing it in, then drawing it back
DHH: eventually
DHH: I had no idea how deep it was
DHH: but it was very intense
DHH: and uncomfortable
DHH: but not painful
DHH: kept feeling like I had to go to the bathroom
DHH: which made me clench a bit
DHH: which didn't help
DHH: several times
DHH: I would have cum
DHH: but the discomfort from the anal
DHH: balanced out the pleasure
DHH: and my brain was trying to sort out which feelings were coming from which parts
DHH: so it was a pretty intense experience
DHH: as I got more wound up
DHH: he thrust deeper
DHH: and I whimpered a bit
DHH: eventually, I gave up and tapped him on the shoulder to back off a bit with the carrot
DHH: At this point
DHH: he decided it was time for me to cum
DHH: so he backed off with the thrusting
DHH: and sucked me off
DHH: it was a rather intense orgasm
DHH: the ass play and the orgasm left me feeling pretty wiped out
DHH: but he kept going
DHH: he swallowed, of course
DHH: and then continued to play with me for a good 10-15 minutes
DHH: I think he was hoping I'd spring to life again
DHH: but I'm pretty sure the ass stuff did something to me that kept me from springing to life right away again.
DHH: he kept doing things that felt good
DHH: and then things that were intense and made me squirm
DHH: it was a lot of fun
DHH: to be played with.
DHH: he had to go back to work
DHH: so he washed his hands
DHH: and then took off
DHH: the end
dragonfli: wow
dragonfli: what a intense experience for you
DHH: yeah
DHH: rather interesting
dragonfli: I can orgasm multiple while being ass penetrated
DHH: interesting
dragonfli: it is always quite intense
DHH: yeah
DHH: I knew it would be intense
DHH: cuz the contractions go right through there
dragonfli: it has something to do with the stimulation of both places at the same time]
dragonfli: but if done right its great
DHH: I think he was a little too interested in seeing how much penetration I could take
DHH: but that's ok
DHH: that's part of the experience
dragonfli: interesting
dragonfli: and you have fucked his wife before
DHH: yes
DHH: with him
DHH: of course
dragonfli: cool... double the pleasure for
dragonfli: you
DHH: yes
DHH: and her
DHH: and him
DHH: actually
DHH: everybody wins
dragonfli: does she know he came over to fuck you
DHH: I don't think so
DHH: but glass houses
dragonfli: true
DHH: but
DHH: that he's open to 1 on 1 play with guys
DHH: makes me more careful with him
dragonfli: yes
DHH: that said
DHH: I'm not gonna catch anything from a carrot up my ass
DHH: :p
dragonfli: lol I would imagine not
DHH: and it's mitigated
DHH: in my mind
DHH: by the fact that he has a wife
DHH: that he does care for
dragonfli: yes
DHH: and he's had a vasectomy
DHH: so if he ever got anything
DHH: she'd get it too
dragonfli: so u wont get pregnant
DHH: lol
DHH: rofl
DHH: :))
dragonfli: =))
DHH: that was very funny
DHH: :D
dragonfli: :-*
DHH: so anyway, that's my story
DHH: what do you think?
dragonfli: I think that was a intense experience
dragonfli: but I was kind of turned on by it ...why?
dragonfli: did you enjoy it
DHH: I care what you think
DHH: yeah it was enjoyable
DHH: and horizon broadening
dragonfli: definitely
dragonfli: did you like being used like a sex toy
DHH: yeah
DHH: definitely
DHH: became aware of that
DHH: at moments
DHH: it's really nice
DHH: not to be in charge
DHH: lol
DHH: and to be a lust object
dragonfli: yep
dragonfli: I love that
dragonfli: especially in a threesome
DHH: yeah
DHH: 3 way it's much more objectifying
dragonfli: we I have one person licking and fingering me the other kissing
DHH: :D
dragonfli: yes
DHH: well
dragonfli: like living sex dolls
DHH: he didn't break my hard-on making equipment
DHH: just got stiff thinking of u in a 3 way
DHH: :D

Very funny

2005-02-13T11:00:00.000-08:00

Stolen from Simply Layla

A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman.

Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husbandstopped her with these words.....Before you leave, I want you to hear how all this came about.

Driving home along the highway, I saw this young woman looking tired and bedraggled, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. She had only some worn sandals on her feet, so I gave her a pair of good Shoes you had discarded because they had gone out of style. She was cold so I gave her a sweater I bought you for your birthday that you never wore because the color didn't suit you. Her pants were worn out, so I gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good, but too small for you now.

Then, when she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked....."Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore?"

Sucks to be right

2005-02-12T12:57:00.000-08:00

Well, dragonfli did, in fact, flake.

I'm not sure how I feel about this.

On one hand, I went to a lot of work (well, some) to prepare a rather nice meal and ge the place ready for some fun. Basically, I lost some time I could have better used otherwise.

On the plus side, I ate well last night, and today, and will for the next few days, cuz, hey, leftovers. And after jerking off to release the pent up sexual longings fueled by all the excitement of the last few days, I did have to wonder whether I would have felt good about it.

As much as I'd like to be a Machiavellian creature, I'm a good boy deep down. I don't like lying. I want to be honorable and keep my promises. I feel pretty empty when I jerk off. I don't feel empty when I have sex with my wife. I do, however, feel frustrated and rejected when I don't get sex from my wife.

I've noticed I'mnot so lusty in the mornings. But by evening, I'm a horn dog. Maybe it's the sexual stimulation coming in from the media. In this case, "the media" means "all those sexually themed blogs I read." I'm no victim.

Vcouple has bagged on today, but proposed next weekend. I dunno how I feel about that. I like them more when I'm horny, and less when I'm "lust sober".

I also feel bad about Smart couple. I like them a lot. I'd like to have a real relationship with them. But I fear they'll reject me due to my being married. So the decision: risk the short term, challenging potential fun for a long term, easier, deeper connection? It depends onthe value of each, and the odds. I think the odds, given their relationship, favor rejecting me if I'm married. But we'll see.... They haven't asked.

Anyway, seems I'll have no play this weekend.

I do keep fantasizing about the girl coming to town on 25th. She's a hottie. It should be fun.

So that's the news for now.

First Date

2005-02-10T20:56:00.000-08:00

Had a date with Smart Couple tonight. We've been back and forth online for some time now, trying to find a time that'd work.

This was a "let's meet in a public place and decide if we like each other." date.

We liked each other.

She was cute: floral skirt, black boots, black top. Curvy and fine. Cute. She had her reddish curls up.

He had just shaved his beard and changed his hair, and it looked good. He's a smart guy. Probably always got attention by being smart. But we share a love of the water and camping and other things. She likes cross country skiing. We could hang out as friends and it'd be fine.

Thing is, they don't know I'm married. I haven't said that I am, haven't said that I'm not. I'm not sure how they'll feel. I admit, my strategy is to get folks so interested in the flesh, they don't care about the circumstances. Dunno how we'll make that work out.

Anyway, passed the test.

I think Dragonfli is flaking on me for tomorrow. She disappeared today, and didn't answer her cell.

No biggie. But now I'm thinking of contating Vcouple for a saturday play date.

So many women, so little time

2005-02-08T16:43:00.000-08:00

Well I'm in hot demand.

Dragonfly and her gal pal were supposed to come meet me at the hotel last Thursday night for a night of 3 way madness. I was thrilled. I got wine, grapes, some cheese, some all girl porn for the VCR. It was gonna be great. I left her my room number on her cell phone. 8:30 came and went. Then it became 9 and 9:30.

I admit, my heart was racing at 8:30. You try staying calm when a woman you've known forever but only fooled around with once is bringing her bi girlfriend over to fuck you. It's exciting, but it makes you nervous. The pressure is on.

Anyway, they both flaked.

Later, DragonFly tells me about this work fiasco blah blah blah. She chickened out.

Friday night, Wife came over and we had hot sex. On Sunday, I emailed Artist X the following:

The other news is that My wife leaves tomorrow night for two weeks. I'll honestly miss her. I've figured out that her instructions from our counselor are "If you husband initiates sex, you must say yes". She's gotten more receptive, open and responsive. We had some great sex Friday night. I stroked her clit while I fucked her from the side/ behind her. When she got closer, she let me slip out and rub against her clit, then as she came she slipped me back inside her and had (from my perspective) a rather intense orgasm. Then we had sex from a sort of spooned position. It was quite hot, and my hands were all over her as we ground into each other. It was great for me. Her period just stopped, and she has very regular cycles, so we can safely have sex "au natural", which is a lot better for both of us.

Next morning, after showering, she was looking great to me, so before she could get her underwear on I tossed her on the bed and went down on her. At first she resisted, "need to get dressed" but she gave me a chance, largely (from my perspective) because our counselor must have told her to curb her knee-jerk "no" reaction and just see whether my advances get her in the mood. Five minutes of licking later, she's arching her back, bucking her hips, moaning deeply and cumming. I win. I would've liked to get some for myself, but I had to go, and I figured she would do well to be trained that giving in gets her pleasure and sometimes costs her nothing in return.

That said, I'd have figured she'd have decided "gee, he gave me a great orgasm this morning, I owe him one" and would have taken steps to reciprocate. Not that I'm keeping score, but I am. But only insofar as it's a barometer of balance. Nothing so far. Which is too bad.

I set up a romantic dinner last night, watched nice movie, snuggled. No sex.

This morning, I was awake early (7 am) snuggled her, touched her, removed her underwear. She slept in till almost 11. I ate some cereal at 9 since I was starving. She rolls out of bed, and wonders whether I'm still gonna make her apple cinnamon pancakes. We've had a peaceful day, but when I mention sexy things, her response tonight was something along the lines of "but you just had sex". Crazy.

So, we had a good day or two, but she's still not getting the quantity/ quality thing. I need an overdose if she expects me to be fine for a few days. Or I need a daily allowance.

So the new news: I'm in hot demand. Got an e-mail this morning from a chic from Adult Friend Finder. Seems she's coming to my town and found me. The weekend of Feb 24, 25, etc. Cool. She's short, blonde, a little older than I am, curvy, cute, feisty and ready to go. I e-mailed her back, added her to my IM, she IM'd me, we chatted, exchanged pics, got on cams, exchanged phone numbers, talked on phone. I'm in. She knows I'm married and is cool with it.

Meanwhile, Dragonfli and her gal pal want to come by my place on Friday. I've promised dinner and unrestricted access to my body. They both seem down with it for real this time. And CCouple, wants to do me on Saturday. Seems she thinks I'm hotter than hell, and he still loves my body, so I may be playing then, too.

All of which I do feel a little bad about. Wife seems to be making progress. She's been a sweetie. She's totally cleaned the house up. She's trying to get the sex thing, she really is. But I'm a bastard. And I'm still not getting my needs fully met, and if she'd responded to the needs earlier, we wouldn't be here.

And I don't believe in God or afterlife or any of that, so as long as no one finds out, no harm done to me or anyone else.

I'm not claiming to be good. I don't think I'm evil. I'm amoral, and horny.

The "talk": Reader's Digest version

2005-01-25T14:40:00.000-08:00

She finally cracked and wanted to talk.

Her solution: She was gonna move out.

Christ.

This is the recurring problem: Things get tough, she wants to just leave. She can't see through a tough time to the other side. It's pretty sad.

So I questioned why it was she thought this was a good idea.

She couldn't take being around me. She was sad. She couldn't see things getting better. Felt like things had been bad forever.

How do we expect the relationship to improve without being in the same place? How will this solve anything? This tiff has only been going on for a few days? You just finished your degree program, and expect the relationship to bounce back instantly now that you have time and attention again?

Bottom line: If you don't learn to get through tough times, then you'll never have a good relationship.

So we made up. And got to have shockingly hot make up sex.

Why do I get involved with psychos?

2005-01-24T15:41:00.000-08:00

Artist X's online best girl buddy posted a semi-scathing piece aimed right at me. The problem? It wasn't very anonymized, and I link straight to their site from my other blog, which is read by people like my family. So basically, Artist X's girl buddy did something that could very easily have outed my private relationships.

Artist X pointed out her post, which I told Artist X was not cool. Artist X logged in and sanitized it. At least Artist X gets it. Though I wish she would have seen what a problem that post was before I saw it. As I told Artist X, I'm gonna tread a little more cautiously. Artist X offered to cut her friend out of the loop, which I said was unnecessary. Her friend was here long before me. I just urged Artist X to be prudent.

What a mess.

Wife has racheted up the cold shoulder. She drove off. Brother in law says she's at the library. Who knows. Probably researching divorce.

We have counselor meeting tomorrow night.

I hope this job in MN happens. Last few days I've thought, I'll get it, and leave my life here and start over.

I contacted VV about a 3 way in Feb. They were eager. I go back and forth on that. It's convenient. It's sex. But I really don't like her as aperson. She's dumb and loud. He's cool, though. It could be pretty frontier expanding... We'll see...

Opportunities

2005-01-23T13:38:00.000-08:00

Got an e-mail today from a guy I'd corresponded with in the past. He wants to set up a surprise 3 way for his girl. She's some hot asian chic. I've never been with an asian woman.

He wants to meet in person to see if I'm acceptable.

I've told him that I'm "dating". I lie, I know.

He wants it to be a hotel thing. Wants me to come in and be the surprise, after she's blindfolded.

If I were her, I'd think it was pretty hot.

So we'll see what happens. It could be fun and interesting.

Here's a transcript of the correspondence so far. Names and locations changed.

Hey DHH,

Been awhile, but we are still here and sincere. Up for Jamba Juice meeting this week?

Marc.

DHH wrote:
Hey Marc-Didn't get your message till today. It's been a crazy week.I could meet Thurs or Fri.... I'll leave town for the holidays on 12/21.DHH

From: Marc
To: DHH
Subject: Re: I fit the bill so far...
Date: Mon, 13 Dec 2004 10:01:33 -0800 (PST)

Hey DHH,
We are still looking. Would you be up for a meeting after 3 p.m. tomorrow? Jamba Juice of course ;-) Lemmeknow.
Marc

DHH wrote:
Hi Marc-
I'm more of a Jamba juice guy than a coffee guy, but I'd be open to meeting.Thursday is really my only open day right now. As I'm sure you understand, I'm pretty keen on keeping my anonymity and discretion. We both live in the same community...
Thanks for letting me know this isnt the first time. I feel better about it. You explained it well.
Let me know what you think.

As far as next week goes, Tuesday afternoon (3pm-on) is looking ideal. I can be flexible on other times/ dates. But I do have some meetings to work around

From: Marc
To: DHH
Subject: Re: I fit the bill so far...
Date: Tue, 7 Dec 2004 00:00:46 -0800 (PST)

Heya,
I do really appreciate your concern about her, that makes you even a stronger candidate. I have no doubt she will like this. We have had one three-way already and she is very curious sexually. She told me she would like this. I tried to set it up before and if fell through. I told her what I was up too and she said she would have liked it. It's her fantasy to be blindfolded, etc. I think in the back of her mind she sort of expects this in a way, she is just not sure when it will happen. But I do need to find the right guy.
As far as pics, she is shy about that, but I don't think you would be disappointed. Most men would find her very attractive.
I do work in (deleted). Would you be interested in grabbing a cup of coffee this week and I can tell you more. You would get a better sense of me and me of you, and that might help us decide if this would work.

Marc

DHH wrote:
Hi there-

Don't worry about the bi thing. I'm not one to go barking up the wrong tree.
It sounds pretty interesting. I'm a little concerned about her shyness, though. Are you sure she's not going to freak out with you letting strangers into your room while she's blindfolded and naked? My 3-way expereince has always been where all parties knew what they were getting into from the outset. I'm a little concerned about the "surprise" part here. I genuinely don't like to be a part of things that make others uncomfortable, so I really need to be convinced that she will like it.

Ground rules would be observed, of course.

I do have a face pic. Do you have photos of either of you? She sounds very attractive, so I'm sure that won't be a problem.

From: Marc
To: DHH
Subject: Re: I fit the bill so far...
Date: Sun, 5 Dec 2004 00:14:49 -0800 (PST)
Hey,
Yeah, sorry for all the questions! We just need to get the right guy for this. The only hitch is I'm pretty straight, and not bi or bi-curious. But i'm sure you would respect that.
Here the deal, my female partner loves surprises, and she has hinted around a surprise third. My thought would be to get a room and I would play with her a bit. Then there would be a knock on the door, you. She might be blindfolded at that point . You would come in quietly and stick your penis where she could grab it and we could take it from there.
She is a sexy Asian female, cute, 5 foot 2 120 pounds, C-cup, very sexual, although a little shy.
I want this to be a fun, exciting experience for her, not frightening of intimidating, so I need to find someone who will fit, no pun intended.
There would be some ground rules, condoms of course, but also no oral on her vagina or kissing her lips.
So how does it sound? Also, do you have a face pic?

DHH wrote:
Thanks for getting back to me. Some answers:

1) Have you had a threesome before? Yes, twice, MMF both times
2) Are you straight, bi, or bi curious? Not fully bi, but I've had bi experiences and seek them out.
3) Can you perform using a condom? Yes. I can last forever in a condom. Arousal is not a problem for me.
4) What type of work do you do? Consulting. Marketing strategy.
5) Penis size and is it kept shaved, trimmed or natural? Also, age, height, weight, etc. Standard 6" model, trimmed, circumsized, age 30, 6'0", 180#
6) Is dp important to you as part of this? Not important. Have done it, liked it, would do it again, but nothing is required.
7) What was the last cd you bought? Bought? I'm an avid pirate.
8) How would you like her to dress? Whatever makes her feel most sexy. I'm a legs guy, so skirts and sexy shoes do more for me than low cut things. But I'm really open.
9) What would happen if the scene was not working for her? Then we'd stop and talk about it, see if we can fix it and make it work, and if not, we just say, oh well, maybe we can try again some other time. No pressure. I want everyone to be into it, or it's not a turn on for me.
10) Married, single or divorced? Dating
11) Any tattoos? No
12) Would drugs/alchohol enhance this experience for you? Drugs: no: I'm not into that. Alcohol: not really. I like my sex straight up. No extra chemicals

The battle rages on

2005-01-23T10:59:00.000-08:00

Well the perhaps mutual stupidity rages on.

I didn't even bother trying to sleep with her last night. I just pulled out the futon and crashed. As I prepped for bed, she was in bed, light on, note pad out, writing away. I think she was writing herself something about the current situation. Who knows.

She has brunch with a friend at noon today.

Last night she asked me why I was down. Let's see, because you've been a hostile bitch to me all day, despite my efforts to be nice and make things work? Did I write this already? Anyway, I pointed out to her what I wrote last night. That she shouldn't be slapping the little efforts I'm making to get over what is really a very tiny dispute in the face. She's making a mountain out of a mole hill.

I think it's now been a week since we had sex of any kind.

Though, right now, I really don't wnat any from her.

Giving up

2005-01-22T20:28:00.000-08:00

It's funny. My comment in november about how I was tired of tying to make this work and that if things didn't change ina year, I'd probably leave really got her attention. It really made her freak. Actually, it was the night she couldn't make me cum that made her freak. She relaized how pissed off and disengaged I'd become.

When we went back to the counselor, and I told her that I was just done making the relationship work, the counselor realized we were in trouble.

So after making her a nice breakfast this morning, cleaningup the house, helping withthe DVD player, etc, she's still being pissy. I approached her just to put my arm around her when she came out of the shower, and she pulled away.

So again, we've got me, trying to make p with her, when she's the one who caused this little row inthe first place, and she's not doing anything to make things work. If she doesn't want this relationship to work, then she can be a bitch to me. But she really has no reason to wonder why I'm giving up and seeking satisfaction elsewhere. Plenty of women out there would love to have a husband like me, and would probably give me some kind of physical affection on a more than weekly basis. I know, I meet them.

I really don't know why I try.

Actually, I do. I was brought up with it. Mom instilled it in us. This weird conflicting message. SHe'd say that we should date around. But we were shownthat men who are unwilling to "work on their relationships" weren't good. So we all learned to be guys who "work on relationships". It's terrible. Ya gotta know when to cut bait.
I married her cuz she's the first girl my mom ever approved of.

I was a fool.

Pissy

2005-01-22T13:04:00.000-08:00

I made her crepes for breakfast when she came home. With bananas and chocolate sauce. I got maybe three words out of her.

Then from the living room:
"How do you get the VCR to work?"

I go in. "is it on? Do you have a tape in? Is the TV on channel 3? Is it playing?" I check the VCR and TV to look for an obvious reason it shouldn't be working.

I turn. In her hand is the DVD player remote.

"That's the DVD remote."

"DVD, VCR, whatever, I have a DVD in that I want to watch."

"Well you asked me to fix the VCR. The VCR and DVD player are different things, and it helps me to help you if you direct my attention to the right one. Use the VCR remote to set the VCR channel to auxiliary"

"What? Auxiliary?"

"Just do it. Use the channel button to keep going through the channels"

"Oh, there it is"

"You don't need to be pissy with me when I'm trying to help you."

The morning news

2005-01-22T10:16:00.000-08:00

Per my conversation with Artist X last night I took a bunch of experimental self portrait figure studies this morning. I'm uploading them now.

It was an erotic process. Did this while wife was at workout class after I came home from my workout. I slipped my secret porn video in the vcr to get off before she came home.

I couldn't get to sleep last night having been so turned on by Artist X. Wife was still mad at me, so we were under "no touching allowed" conditions in bed, which didn't make it any easier to sleep. So around 2 am I moved out to the futon, after I got the heisman when I rolled over and tried to put my arm around her.

This is all pretty stupid, the being pissed off stuff. She got passed over for her dream job, but I've told her not to give up just yet. Maybe she's got her feelings all mixed up.

Anyway, I'll play with the new pics and see if any of them can be transformed to something good....

The post orgasm moment of clarity was kind of depressing. It left me thinking "who cares about sex, I should just work on my career and acquiring material things."

The news

2005-01-21T23:29:00.000-08:00

Just finished a long chat with Artist X.

I like her. She scares me a little. The bipolar thing. The pot cookies. She's a little wilder/ more risk tolerant than I am. But that's good. Danger is fun. Anyway, she's half a contienet away, so the odds of anything actually happening are rather slim.

Never the less, we both want each other. We swapped some pics. She's sending WAY more info my way than I am to her. Which scares me a wee bit: No stalking please! But it's the manic thing, I'm sure. Is some is good, more is better.

I told her when I'll be in NYC. Told her she can come see me if she'd like.

I think shell be a good resource. We're both married and exploring.... We could help each other.

She said she's a switch. Me too. Which is why think maybe, just maybe, one person can be everything for the other. Or maybe we all need to be poly. Who knows. I told her this blog exists, but didn't tellher where it was. I want to try to get my voice here first. Maybe I should turn off commenting. That way, I know I'm just writing for me.

Wife and I got in a stupid fight tonight. I came inhere and found Artist X online, so happily spent the night in here typing away. Fight was dumb. And now the pizza sucks.

Looks like I won't be meeting the BC couple tomorrow... running out of time. Maybe they're figuring out I'm married.

Off to bed. I'm glad I met Artist X. It's nice to have that excitement of a new person. And she's so sensual. Photo flirting will be fun....

I'm trying. Really.

2005-01-21T15:21:00.000-08:00

So a long standing answer to "Why aren't you interested in sex" has been "I have too much to do around the house. I can't think about sex while there are chores to do." To which I, and just about every other male on the planet responds "????????".

I will never know why dishes are a distraction from orgasms.

None the less, I'd think less of myself if I didn't try. So in addition to the nightly cooking, and required grocery shopping I've been making an effort to tend to the dishes more, both into and out of the dishwasher.And today I washed, dried and folded all the laundry.

Wife is between jobs right now. This is as stress free as her lifeis gonna get (well, dunno, joblessness can cause soem stress, I suppose). We'll see if I get any reward for my efforts.

Doubt it.

I have reason to believe she ordered a "toy" for herself from the catalog that I ordered. I figured if they kept coming tothe house, evntually, she'd look through one. And eventually start to think about something other than vanilla sex. So we'll see.

lately she's been on this weird ter, asking if I thought she'd make a good lesbian. one one hand she's as femme as they come. So no. On the other hand, she's a hottie, so she'd get a lot of action. On the other hand, she won't go down on me. I think a vagina takes a stronger stomach to tongue than a cock, but that's just me. Not that I mind going down. I really like it. As long as we're not overgrown, clean andnot bleeding, I guess. But htose seem to be fair minimum standards.

The second car going out of comission and her finishing her degree program are gonna leave me with substantially less opportunity for extracurricular playtime. Not that I was doing a ton of it before. But it'll make it harder. I may meet that couple from BC inthe city this weekend. Sat afternoon. They don't know I'm married. I hope they don't care. I fear they'll begin to suspect.

It's pretty clear to me why I do it. Thrill, yes. But it's the fun of being desired. Knowing that someone just wants me. That's great, and what I'm missing. If I knew my wife thought of me as a hot piece of ass, I'd be pretty emotionally content. It's the emotional need to be wanted that the secret sex life addressses.

Is this a stable long term arrangement? Can I go on forever getting sexual fulfilment withothers and domestic fulfillment from her? Do I need one stop shopping?

There are no kids yet. Ii really, relaly have to get some definitive answers before I green light kids. It's only fair.

Scoreboard

2005-01-21T10:09:00.000-08:00

Not that I keep score. I really don't. But this one is pretty easy:

Times I've given her oral to completion in our 7 year relationship: Too many to count. But I shall estimate. 52 weeks/ year * 7 years * 1.5 times/ week = more than 500 times.

Times I've received oral to completion from her in our 7 year relationship: 1. It was about 5 years ago.

Now it's not that I expect everyone to know what they are doing here. And I certainly believe in do unto others, and not that I'm that furry to begin with (see photo), but I keep myself "manscaped". And I'm not gonna ask for it when I've just come home from a work out, let's say. Fresh, clean and un-fuzzy. 1 time in 5 years.

Yeah, she'll pop my dick in her mouth on occasion while we're messing around, but she never decides to make it the main event. And I'd sure like her to try. I'd like her to take the time to try to learn. I don't expect her to come knowing how to do it well, but I do expect her to be attentive to my responses and start to figure out what works. But it seems finding new ways (or even pretty standard ways) to please me is a pretty low priority for her.

This morning, I saved her a hunk of time by encouraging her to call our mechanic. She thought the car needed its routine maintenance, and I told her it had just had it. Told her to call, ask them to look us up in the computer. She did, we were just in, the car was fine. Ta-da! I just bought her her entire morning back with one phone call. Still naked in bed, I playfully told her that since I had saved her so much time, that I had earned a BJ. I didn't really expect one, but I thought it was playful. And in truth, since she had a big chunk of "discovered time" now on her hands, sharing some of it with me as sex play would be nice.

She lay next to me on the bed, slipped a hand under the covers and grabbed my semi-hard morning wood. Her hand was cold, my body was hot and the contrast was enjoyable. She just sort of grabbed me. Twiddled me a round a little. Gave it a few long, slow tugs, then just let her hand come to rest. She left it there for a minute or so before removing it.

So I didn't get my BJ. Not a shocker. I like to give her opportunities to flirt back. To surprise me, to pounce on me. This morning, she had the time and the invitation, but, as usual, no inclination.

She did, however, then ask me how she's doing as a wife.

I bit my tongue. Trying to find the most honest and least hurtful way to answer her question.

"Well, you're doing better on the communication front. You're able to pay attention to the process more when you concentrate on it, and that helps a lot."

"But you want more sex"

"It's not more sex, per se. I just need to feel more sexual energy coming from you."

Then she was off to start her day. I got up and sorted the laundry and threw in a few loads.

Which reminds me of this neighbor we have.

I could be wrong, but I think she and I are mutually attracted. She's blonde, maybe a few years older than I. When we first moved in, I was working out outside. She said hi, and asked me to come down and help her with something. I was at the time shirtless and sweaty. I figured, sure, hey, if she's expressing interest, great. If not, who cares. I can't even remember what she asked me to help with. But she got a good look at my body for sure. I fantasize about running into her in the laundry room... That'd be a hot little affair... Same building.

I wish I had the guts to let her know that I'd be game. But I don't know how to do that. The online world is safer. More on that later, I suppose.

Quiet time

2005-01-20T11:59:00.000-08:00

She has an interview today.

I helped her pick an outfit, made her tea & raisin toast for breakfast while she prepped this morning, and then cream of broccoli soup from scratch for lunch.

She looks great.

Once she's gone, I'll probably take a quiet moment to surf some porn and get off. I've been feeling sensual since my work out this morning. I think athletics keeps me aware of my physical being. Requires me to focus on my body, how it feels, how it responds.

And the post work-out endorphin kick makes me a little giddy, I guess.

"feeling sensual, feeling good... How bout some sex!"

Of course that's not on the menu today, and mentioning that I'm interested is pretty pointless. It would get a "you've got to be kidding me" as opposed to a "Sounds great. I shall plan to fuck you when I get home", so I don't bother anymore.

Porn. It's pretty shallow. It works, I suppose. But it's always followed by that depressing moment of clarity, those few brief seconds when my sex drive is having no influence on my brain at all, and I think maybe needing an orgasm is like needing to pee. Once you're done, you're fine. Except I should feel happy, but I don't. Jerking off is a cheap substitute for being wanted and enjoyed. Like power bars. You could live a long time with them, and they'll hold you over, but the real thing gives you something no bar can ever capture.

So I'm gonna go have a power bar...

The Usual

2005-01-20T09:57:00.000-08:00

My wife has perfect breasts.

I remember the first time I saw them. They fit her. Small aureole, with tip of the pinky finger sized, permanently perky nipples. Just perfect. A small B, large A. She has a super-model frame, so they fit her just fine. Not saggy or floppy. Like the breasts on a marble statue. Proud and perfect.

And I'm a legs man.

And being male, my sex drive is hard wired to my eyeballs.

So last night, when she was frolicking around the place bra-less in a cute little sweater that left those perfect nipples poking "hello" to me, I found myself moved to make a move.

I cornered her in the kitchen, while in the midst of delighted conversation. Facing her, placed my palms on her tiny tight waist, and just slid my thumbs under the soft sweater. I playfully ran my thumb tips over both nipples simultaneously, slightly raising her sweater in the process so her belly was exposed.

I pulled her closer, pubic bone to pubic bone, and kissed her.

She was still blissfully on the conversation of the day. And I didn't mind. I was being playful. It was the "let me see if I can distract you with some very sexy play" game.

I don't know if I wanted it to go anywhere. I did want to see if I could get her attention.

So I kissed her. She kissed back, a little, but broke it off to jump back to what she was saying.

I kissed her again, hoping she'd get the game, hoping she'd understand that the sexiest move on her part would be to give in a little, or at least fool me into thinking I was getting through.

No luck. She broke it off to keep talking.

Okay, I'll up the ante. Again a kiss. But when she broke it off to talk again, I pounced on her open mouth with mine. It was admittedly a little crude. The kind of very bad French kiss a horny and inexperienced teenager gives. But I wanted to send the signal a little stronger: "There's something much more fun we could be doing with our mouths than talking right now. Hard to talk with another tongue in your mouth?"

She understood the playfulness, laughed, and pulled away. To continue talking at me.

Maybe she's being a tease?

More tongue kiss. A quick break to more talking

Another kiss attempt. A giggle. A break. Back to talking.

So I let her go. I walk away.

"Wait, come back"

"No, I'm done"

"But you should try"

"I did try, you had your chance."

She follows me to my office, plunks down in my lap. Arms around my neck.

In her little girl voice, a little whiney... "Sweetie..."

She knows she just blew it. Now she hopes being cute will get me to serve her yet one more ball. Like Lucy flirting Charlie Brown into one more field goal.

But now I'm miffed and in no mood. I was feeling playful. I played. And played. And couldn't have been more obvious. And I got no encourgagement. I was tolerated. She says she wants me to just pounce on her. And I did, and she decided finishing her thought was more important, again and again, and now my feelings are hurt, and the years of frustration are there. So she won't get another shot today. At least not now.

Which is too bad, cuz she looked really good.